I think I’m the most favorite person that the universe wants to mess with. You see, my life is a series of mess ups and broken things. It all started with me getting depression, to losing all my friends and having literally, completely no one in my life, to me having to drop out of grade 10 and taking a gap year because I relapsed. Yes yes, my life is shit. But of course, I do want to get better. I do want to get well from my depression and be more optimistic about the world, but oooh, guess what! whenever I feel a glimmer of hope/see a glimmer of home in my life, something bad happens that makes me relapse, something happens that takes away that hope and make me realize I was wrong for even thinking there was hope at all. I feel like the forces of the universe enjoy watching me become happy for a while, celebrating and saying “hey, things do get better”, and suddenly take it away and watch me crumble back to the dark hole from which I came from. It is honestly getting really exhausting that recently, I just said to myself that whenever something good happens in my life, I’m just going to be numb about it; because seems like whenever I’m happy, things get a turn for the worse. It’s like life is playing a big joke on me, like every happy thing is a trap, a bait dangled in front of me that gets swiped away as soon as I’m about to reach for it.
well, I am not falling for that anymore.
-A.F.
astrofluture 
Just hang in there. You will get through. I also have experienced that feeling.
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